just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
