Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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