Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
