i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
