I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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