I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
it's great music for shaving your balls
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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