We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
