Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
