I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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