i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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