I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
