I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize