I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
