I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
