I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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