I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
