So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
