Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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