my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
