Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
