dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
