I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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