I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
