it hurts more in the daytime
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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