roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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