He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
