Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
