I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
