well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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