so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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