I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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