I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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