:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
