i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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