The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Randomize
