I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
