I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
