YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
