he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
