my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
