Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
