i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
