what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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