You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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