but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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