I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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