How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
