i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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