I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The air taste purple.
Randomize
