Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
