My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
