I think I died a long time ago.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
