I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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