So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
